BATEMAN HAS ISSUES #22 – I QUIT FACEBOOK

BY: JOHN BATEMAN

Yes I quit Facebook, and believe me I am going to be the absolute worst reformed Facebooker there is. From now on when someone starts to talk to me about Facebook I am going to say, “You know life doesn’t have to be this way. There are a number of effective treatments for Facebook these days.” The reason I quit is simple, no, maybe it’s complicated. We’ll find out in a minute. The first reason I quit is because I have a highly social personality.If someone stops me on the street and whispers, “Hey, for a good conversation just slip me twenty bucks and follow me down this alley.” I would go. The second issue I have is the fact that I am highly susceptible to video addiction. Not movies, video games. I remember the first night my friend got Pac Man for the Atari 2600.We stayed up for 36 hours making a yellow block move around the screen eating smaller yellow blocks. I played every day for years. If it wasn’t for women showing interest in me in my late 20’swho knows what would have happened to me. When you throw my two aforementioned addictions, socializing and video games,into a pot with a heaping tablespoon of guilt you have Facebook.

It was the guilt that ultimately made my departure easier. Just as I was about to deal the “death-click” a “Are you sure you want to quit” screen popped up with pictures of my most contacted friends.It read, “Are you sure you want to leave? Steph is going to miss you. Are you sure you want to leave? Genevieve is going to missyou.” Etc… That did it for me. It’s hard enought dealing with yourgarden variety day to day guilt from loved ones let alone dealingwith cyber-guilt. It made the “death-click” that much easier. Ohsure there have been withdrawal symptoms like shakes, night timesweats, and thoughts of going back on Facebook but I am happy toreport they are fewer and far between. It was after the worst of thesymptoms that I finally achieved enough clarity to grasp one of thebig problems with Facebook: It is redundant. Salt Spring Island is aliving breathing Facebook.

Take this simple quiz and you can be the judge:

-    Have you been at a gathering and made a friend because you
both have a friend in common? Yes/No
-    Have people ever commented on your status? Yes/No
-    Do you have friends that you never communicate with? Yes/No
-    Have you ever poked or been poked then found yourself deleted
in the morning? Yes/No

If you answered yes to three or more of these questions then you
are living in Facebook on Saltbook. If you ever choose to delete
one or the other, please choose wisely.

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