CAPITAL PUNISHMENT

Ever since i was a small child i have been fascinated by words. I loved Boggle, Scattergories, word scrambles, Writing silly Poems and stories, and making up Songs. You’ll notice i didn’t include scrabble in this list. This is because in my opinion, although scrabble is a game involving words, it’s really a game about math. I find nothing more frustrating than coming up with cool words only to have someone (namely Gerda Lattey) blow me off the board with a two letter corner XI worth 92 points. Like seriously, use it in a sentence…just once.

My mother tells me that as a child i was always more interested in commercials than programs on television. I directly attribute this to a combination of self-diagnosed A.D.D. and an insane memory for jingles and Melodies. I still remember every word to the velveeta cheese theme song, the lifesavers “tweet tweet twiddle twiddle” jingle, and who could forget the short but brilliant “sleep country canada, why buy a mattress anywhere else?”. It’s rare that i can’t Sing at least one verse to any Song i hear on the radio…i didn’t know then that this would later turn into an insatiable passion for Songwriting.

I had favourite words like Serendipity and Mollusc, and words that hurt my ears like yellow and maggot. I used to love saying “Gilligan” a whole bunch of times in a row until it sounded really weird. Try it, it’s pretty cool. I also tried never to end a song line on an “n”, as vocally, an “n”, is a dead end. No vamping opportunity with that letter. “Y’s” on the other hand, now you can do a lot with a “Y”. As i got older i began to dissect words and the structure of vocabulary. Almost to the point of insanity. Strange questions would float into my mind like “Why are they called apartments if they’re all stuck together?”

At some point in my adulthood (loosely put), i began to stop capitalizing my i’s, i’ve’s, i’ll’s, and the likes. I still use them to indicate the beginning of a sentence, but solely for
reading ease. But that’s where i cap my traditional use of caps. I began to think it pretentious to capitalize all our possessive pronouns. Who the hell do We think We are
anyway? We capitalize entire countries and religious icons (God, Buddha, Allah). Why do we assume that we are so important to deserve those capitalizations? And what if i’m
an atheist? Do i still have a responsibility to capitalize the word “god”?

Our Runaway Typewriter columnist presents an interesting notion to me of “personal capitalization”, in which you capitalize only the things that are personally important to you. Like Root Beer Floats and my favourite Pajama Pants. Why not? Why should someone else decide what’s important enough to capitalize?

I suppose it also stems from my addiction to text messaging. It really takes a lot of time to switch over to a cap at the beginning of each sentence. But i’ve begun to feel a bit guilty for this laziness. Not only is it too easy to have non-reciprocal communication through text and email, but technology is ruining and abbreviating our vocabulary to the point of no one really caring if they’re spelling correctly. We have the introduction of “spell check”, which by the way should only be used as a back up to human art of proofing. It doesn’t
catch the double “the”, or a “then” that should be a “than”, or the “an” that should be an “and”. Also, some spell check software spells in american so they actually tend to mess up our writing by changing our “neighbour” to neighbor, and “centre” to “center”, “colour” to “color” and so forth.

Computer and text talk like “c u 4 lunch”, “brb”, “ttyl” are turning us into lazy people and i would be interested to know how many less words exist in our everyday vocabulary then before the computer age. Even vocally we are lazier. “Uh-huh” is the new yes, “uh-uh” the new no. We are coming full circle with language and turning back into grunting cavemen.

I did notice, as did our readers, that the first few issues of the Fishbowl had a few uncapitalized “i’s”. Sorry Bowlers, force of habit. I tried to go back and fix them all but alas i failed. I suppose when you see them now, you’ll get a chuckle out of the story behind them.

I’m certain i suffer from a “capitalization deficiency” and this goes far beyond just words. I have trouble capitalizing on opportunity as well. I mean, i can pretty much accomplish anything i want but turning it into a lucrative venture is another story. Once numbers are introduced my right brained self goes into overload. I’ve always been really good at things that don’t make money; Music, promoting, Songwriting, and of course, with love, The Fishbowl. I’m sure if we charged for the mag, or lost some content and had more ads, at higher prices, we could make it work; but we would lose so much of what is great about it. And then it would be just like every other publication out there.

I suppose if i’d worked harder on my music, and my ass, i might have made a career for myself in the Music industry, but turning my Passions into work seems way too risky. The
thought of deadlines for albums or having to answer to someone in regards to my creative process gets my back hair up. I often see artists like alanis and the counting crows who debut these hugely successful first albums only to follow them up with mediocre second and third albums. I directly attribute this to the fact that a person has their whole life to compile their first album. 20 or 30 years, in some cases more, if you chalk up life experience and the years of playing and prep involved. They’re starving for success. Then they get signed to a huge contract with a record label for 3 more albums in the next 6 years and can’t produce, or maybe they’re not as motivated because they’ve
achieved their goal.

Discontent and emotional trauma, after all, are a writer’s best friend. When you’re happy you really don’t have anything to say, nothing you need to change. You’re no longer hungry. People often approach me with envy and say “gee i wish i could Sing”. I’m always thinking in my head, “gee i wish i had a passion for investment portfolios or law”. I’d be loaded if i put as much energy into paying ventures as i do into creative ones.

So instead i bartend, cut lawns, make websites and pimp out my Voice to cheesy cover tunes in pubs to make the rent. I spend my money as i get it on Coffee, Cigarettes, lunches and Margaritas with no regard for my future. I’ve shied away from heaps of opportunity for fear of losing my epiphanies if i get too comfortable. After all, once your
dreams come true, then what? Isn’t it the striving for them that keeps us going? That keeps us ‘keepin on’?

But after all is said and done, and when i’m old and on my way out, i’m confident that i won’t be in my final days looking back on my life saying “man, im so thankful i paid off
my mortgage”, or “how happy i am that i lived my life behind a desk, working my ass off to achieve someone else’s dream.” I’ll be thinking about the cool things i did just to do
them, and the people who’s lives i affected as a result of those things. That i fed my soul by binging on life, and did it my own way, profit margins or not.

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