MILITANT PACIFISM

When it comes down to it, I’m a pacifist. I’m not confrontational, I’m not a fighter, and I’m opposed to war. Sure, I get angry and want to lash out sometimes, but the complexity of my psyche is not what is in question right now. What is in question is the validity of violence and war in our society.

It’s out of hand. Gangs, teamsters, pirates on the Seven Seas, violence is everywhere. And there is always a war being fought somewhere for some odd reason. It seems Hobbes was right; our society can’t function properly without conflict. It’s so rampant that we even start wars in the name of peace. I for one believe something drastic must be done.

I believe we need to get out and put a stop to violence using the only thing that pirates, warmongers, and schoolyard bullies will understand. Counter-violence. We need to usher in an era of militant pacifism that will bring violent to their knees. We need to put down our placards and pick up our pistols. We need to run through the streets with pitchforks and torches, killing and maiming all the violent and degenerate members of our society before they do the same to us.

We need to seek out the bastards, thieves, and people who rip the tags off their mattresses, before they completely destroy society with their despicable beliefs. We need to force pacifism down their throats until they understand that we won’t put up with hostility any longer. The sooner they see that we’re serious about making our world a place free of fear, the sooner they’ll fear us and join us in our dream of  a violence-free society, or die trying.

This war on war shall have a name. It shall be called The War on War, and pacifists around the world will flock to our banner. So put down your pens and pick up your pikes, put down your microphones and pick up your machine guns, drop your axes and arm yourselves with AK-47s, or if you don’t own an AK-47, an axe will do just fine. It is time for us to come out of our homes and fight for our right for peace. It’s time to make war on war for peace, for peace, because we just can’t take it any longer.

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